On the shore of Lake Natoma in Sacramento, California hundreds of hopeful athletes gathered to compete for the NCAA Championship crew races. They were all in peak physical form and had trained for countless hours to be in condition for this, and every other event this season.
I felt a lot of different emotions as I watched my daughter and her teammates execute on their plan- nervous about whether their start would get them where they wanted, whether they could keep their set pace and make their sprint at the end. Psychologically would they all keep their focus and not lose sight of One Team One Goal? Would each of them keep the synchrony while putting out every last bit of their own effort? Collectively would both of their entry boats gather the points they needed to end up on the podium?
Two days and four races later we celebrated, having placed second overall in the Nationals. After receiving team and individual trophies and many accolades, on a warm California evening gracious hosts (cousins of a teammate) welcomed us to their home for a beautiful dinner. Listening to the coaches talk about the athletes’ journeys, and the underclassmen talk about their senior role models, now newly minted graduates, filled me with pride as well as a twinge of sadness knowing this was my daughter’s final collegiate competition. The team had not reached this point without sacrifice and adversity as well as focus, commitment and a ton of hard work. They’d had illnesses and injuries (not to mention the discovery of hotel bed bugs the night before the finals), relationships end and others begin, losses, exhaustion, disappointments, successes, celebrations and lots of growth.
Their head coach, Trinity College’s Wesley Ng, talked about the grit (as well as the analytics) it took for them to achieve their goal, and their assistant coach, Renee “Mama” Jones talked about the love she had for them and how they’d learned to believe in themselves.
One Team One Goal. Knowing their strengths and their vulnerabilities, as well as those of their teammates. Who they are in the boat, and what their jobs are. The power seat cannot set the pace the coxswain dictates, and the coxswain cannot act as the stroke.
What does One Team One Goal have to do with divorce and restructured families?
I think quite a lot.
Barring violence, and untreated addictions and mental illness, parents can each bring unique strengths to their children. Despite no longer living in the same home, their children are their common “goal”. The family is still a team, albeit a now restructured team. They need to reboot, not rebuild. Parents have a foundation and they now need to gather their collective resources to bring out the best each of them has to offer to their children.
As Judge Ginsburg* said after reviewing and approving each and every Separation and Divorce Agreement involving children I ever witnessed, “there are x-husbands and x-wives, but parents are forever”. One Team One Goal.
And Congratulations to Wesley Ng, Renee Jones and Trinity Women’s Rowing. Thanks for the many lessons. One Team One Goal. Go Bantams!
* Hon. Edward Ginsburg, now retired from the bench, formerly sitting in the Middlesex Family and Probate Court in Massachusetts.
