Noah Baumbach’s insightful Marriage Story script was brought to life through the incredible acting of Adam Driver (Charlie) and Scarlett Johansson (Nicole). The film felt real, painfully accurate and palpably disturbing as it ushered us through the arc of a loving relationship trod upon by millions of cuts. Cuts that led to erosion and highlighted the searing pain that followed.
When Charlie says to Nicole “You’re fighting for something you don’t even want”, you can feel her agreement when she responds to him saying “I wanted to be married. I already lost. I loved you more than you loved me.”
Nicole’s disappointment in herself is conflate with, and at times projected onto her marriage. Charlie identifies the conflict Nicole is experiencing saying “you chose this life and then you blamed me for it”. In Nicole’s immediate facial expression, you see her reflecting upon how the person she had been then was not the person she was now, and how the life she chose at the time she married no longer fit; it was as if she had outgrown her exoskeleton. There’s great and genuine sadness in her voice when we hear her say “I’ll love you forever, but us being married doesn’t make sense anymore.”
When later in the film Charlie hears that Nicole received an Emmy and congratulates her saying “You should have… you’re a great actress”, you can feel the sting of her words when she replies saying “not for acting, for directing”. The dynamic of their marriage had resulted in her having sublimated her own directorial ambitions and it took leaving their marriage for her to find her own voice. Or as she reflects “It turns out I wasn’t dead; I was just in a coma.” Nicole’s sadness about their missed future is felt when she says, “If he’d only said baby, I want you to have a piece of earth that’s yours – that would have been ok.” There was an imbalance in their relationship, and not enough space for both of them to feel whole and supported; resentment can be the flipside of adoration when a once adoring partner feels as though they’ve become invisible.
In my day-to-day work I often see one partner who is “the rock star” and the other who is cast in the “supporting role”. Although this sometimes works for the lifetime of a marriage it often does not, especially when the “rock star” takes for granted the supporter or the supporter feels as though he or she should actually be the “rock star”. When this happens, it becomes obvious that somehow, something, has gone painfully awry. People often ask me what I think the most common reason is that people get divorced. For me, that is an easy answer: lack of communication. The absence of communication can manifest through acting out, depression, affairs, addictions, or a variety of other behaviors but in its’ basest form, it all stems from a lack of effective communication. It’s often a slow and silent slayer, so much so that people don’t notice until the chasm feels too wide to bridge; that pain is brought home and heightened in Marriage Story when Charlie sings Being Alive and pleas for “someone to disturb my sleep…being alone is alone but not being alive.”
At the very end of Marriage Story, when Nicole and Charlie are beginning to adjust to their new relationship as co-parents instead of divorcing partners, there’s a scene where Charlie is leaving with their child and Nicole notices Charlie’s shoe is untied, leans down and ties it for him. It’s a simple act of kindness but speaks volumes in terms of her wanting him to be well and whole and was perhaps also intended to be a visual representation of their reparation, as instead of untying the knot of their marriage her act symbolically re-ties them as co-parents.