Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash
Note: This blog is an excerpt from Judge’s Field’s upcoming book:
Bold Judging: Creating Families Who Are Self-Governing After Divorce
©Julie Field and The Consilium Institute. All rights reserved.
Hon. Julie Kunce Field (ret.)
Co-Founder, the Consilium Institute
As judges, we take on other people’s pain in the most sensitive, important parts of their lives.
- Their Family.
- Their Freedom.
- Their Finances.
That’s a heavy burden.
It almost sounds trite to say that we need to take care of ourselves first in order to do our jobs and take care of the overwhelming business of the people of this great state whom we are privileged to serve.[1]
But it’s true.
As a judge I became, and remain, a fierce self-carer.
And you should be, too.
What do I mean by fierce self-care:
Fierce and self-care don’t seem to belong together. But, yet, they do.
Being a judge is hard. It can take a toll that you don’t even realize it is taking. And what I learned, from the times that I didn’t do such a great job of taking care of myself, is that I was not as good a judge as I wanted to be when I neglected myself. And I certainly was not as good of a partner or parent or friend or colleague as I wanted to be.
So, early on in my judicial career, I made the choice to focus on making sure I took care of myself on every level – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes I did the self-care thing better than other times. And I had some trial and error. And I still do.
But what I found was that, unless you are fiercely focused on ensuring that caring for your own mind, body, and spirit is a top priority, it is easy to not do what you need to do.
This piece is my self-reflection on what I did during and since my judicial career that helped me stay (relatively) healthy and grow. I’ll share a few things that I have done to find that space for kindness to myself. Maybe some of these ideas will inspire your own ways to make sure you are consciously taking care of you, so you can do the hard work of being a judge.
What I did:
I took my oath on January 11, 2011. And started an improv comedy class that same day.
I took that class because I knew I would need an outlet from the hard work of judging. And it gave me that. And more.
But that was not the only instance of intentional self-care that I had signed up for in my life.
As I think about it now, I realize that I consciously, and unconsciously, created opportunities that touched on different aspects of what humans need to be healthy:
- Physical movement.
- Healthy eating.
- Laughter.
- Creative thinking.
- Growth.
- Community.
- Reflection.
Annual challenges to myself:
Every year, I would try to do something new that was challenging. That first year, it was improv. In other years, it was piano lessons. And adult indoor soccer (I am NOT a team sports person, so that was a huge stretch). And taking a play writing class. And starting a book club. And an international cooking club. And kickboxing.
Some of those challenges have stuck (improv; play writing; kickboxing; book club) and some have not (soccer was very short-lived).
But each one of them is, and was, a way to step outside of the confines of the courtroom and the courthouse.
Yes, and what else?
Besides those intentional annual challenges, I did some other things when I was a judge:
- I started every day asking myself “What can I do for the People of the State of Colorado today?” And, yes, it is as corny as it sounds. But that mantra reminded me that my daily work was that of service, not of self.
- I built community within Judicial with colleagues locally and from around the state through conferences, and intentional text chains and scheduled in-person, phone or online “coffee chats” for connection.
- I learned to meditate, a skill which helped me inside and outside of the courtroom.
- I built new and meaningful programs within my courtroom and in the courthouse and community.
- I organized conferences and attended and taught at judicial conferences and other opportunities throughout the community.
- I sought therapy.
- I started two book clubs – one that dealt with challenging books on race and class, and one that had no homework – participants could read and report on whatever interested them.
- I wrote stories and plays and performed them with trusted audiences.
- I had a standing dinner date at a restaurant with my husband every Friday night, no matter what.
Since I retired, I have continued my fierce self-care practice. Among other things:
- I have a personal trainer to build my physical strength.
- I write in a gratitude journal every day.
- I intentionally connect with friends on a regular schedule.
- I work with a life coach to create the design for my next life chapter.
I was and continue to be a fierce self-carer. But the most significant thing that I did after I left the bench was EMDR[2]. Because even with all of the work that I did to stay healthy though conscious self-care, I was exposed to trauma in the courtroom and in the daily work of deciding hard issues. That trauma did not go away when I hung up my robe. EMDR allowed me to acknowledge the trauma and move on.
And, what about you?
As a judge, I became a fierce self-carer.
I challenged myself to find those things that could give me peace, and joy, and community, and health. And I still do.
So, Judge, I’m asking you: “What will you do to take care of yourself today?”
Take a minute.
Answer that question.
Now, go do it.
And be fierce.
[1] I will spare you the analogy of “affix your oxygen mask first.” Or. Wait. Hang on. Did I just sneak in that analogy? 🤔
[2] Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that is designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories. https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/