Without the bookends we often use as markers for celebrations, holidays and rituals to grieve and support one another in times of grief and loss, time during this past year has felt elastic. Now after a seemingly interminable year of isolation, spring has happily sprung with hope and vaccines arriving in tandem.
However, about a month ago after months of not having left home, we got away for a week of hiking in Vermont. As my boots crunched under me sweeping me forward past streams and through the snowy surface of the Green Mountains, I became profoundly aware of the solitude. The silence made me grateful for the peace and serenity of the woods, but also got me contemplating about how different that kind of “being alone” is from the imposed isolation we’ve all experienced over the course of the past year.
It seems to me that the difference we feel when we have agency over our own experiences or not, is paramount to the experience itself. Although being alone is not in and of itself undesirable, the psychological difference between being forced to be alone and choosing to be alone is extraordinary. The difference in agency over experience took my thinking to the divorce process and the control or lack of control people feel throughout the process of restructuring their family. Whether or not divorce is chosen by an individual or thrust upon them, too often the process itself becomes central to the experience, and individuals lose their agency, becoming alien to their original goals and intentions. Although In the most difficult of times it’s challenging to stay true to one’s ideals, it is possible.
As in my work I see the best people at their worst, I’m often reminded of Anne Frank’s words that “people are really good at heart”. I’ve found that by believing in those words we can best help people focus on their north star, evolve, grow and craft futures that achieve the priorities and outcomes they set for themselves and their families.
It is my hope that with the melting of this past winter’s snowfall, this spring will bring agency and choice to all, reunification with family and friends, and moments of solitude.
