Life is so warped and moves at such warp speed these days that it hardly seems possible it’s been less than a month since the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, such a tiny giant.
Reflecting on her life, I think she must have had a childhood filled with affirmation and strength. Yet having watched both the RBG documentary, and On the Basis of Sex, the 2018 biographical legal drama based on her life, I know she also had burdens and challenges that would have put many of us asunder. The years she had with her mother were short as she died when Ruth was 17, the night before her high school graduation. Somehow knowing how little time she had with her own mother makes me recall (and want to gender adjust for) words attributed to Aristotle: “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man”.
In one of RBG’s interviews I recall her saying that her mother left her knowing two things: always be a lady, and always be able to support yourself. In the days of her youth I think many people saw those two ideas as difficult to attain if not mutually exclusive, and those early lessons her mother imparted to her were not typical. I think it’s fair to say that her mother’s ideals stayed with her all her life, and she lived them large.
Always a lady, she was dignified, respected and admired by those with whom she disagreed, like Chief Justice Antonin Scalia, as well as those with whom she was like-minded, those with moderate and over time, more liberal views. And not only did she take to heart her mother’s instruction that she always be able to support herself, but she was bound and determined to insure that others were also able to support themselves, and not just financially, but in terms of creating equal access and equal opportunity for all, such as when she argued on behalf of widower Stephen Wisenfeld that as his Wife’s surviving spouse he had a right to receive social security benefits just as a woman would if she were her husband’s survivor.
Children are simultaneously fragile and resilient (some more than others on both counts), impressionable and unaware (again, to varying degrees). But in multiple ways psychological research has confirmed what Aristotle declared so many years ago, that foundational beliefs and behaviors of children are formed well before adulthood. Which brings me to two closing thoughts- the first is of a young man I’ve known since his infancy, now a member of the Capitol Police. As he stood guard over Ruth Bader Ginsburg, his mom sent me the photo above with a text saying “she paved the way for him, and all of us, in so many ways… not lost on him”. He happens to be gay, and for as long as I can remember he wanted to be a police officer. He was blessed with parents who affirmed and strengthened his identity, and encouraged him to pursue his dreams. “Give me a child until he is seven, and I will show you the man.”
My second thought is how powerful and formative the actions of parents and professionals are when families restructure, and what a profound impact they have on children and their psychological wellbeing. Knowing that we have the capacity to do great good and the ability to do great harm, it is incumbent upon all of us to remember the words of Aristotle.
“Give me a child until he is seven, and I will show you the man.”