The word divorce means what exactly?
In writing blogs, one of my goals is to educate people about the divorce process, and how they can best position themself for a successful outcome and a more growth-oriented experience. Recently, it has occurred to me after running #TerminologyTuesday on Twitter for a few months now — that in addition to just giving readers definitions of legal terminology, there’s value in pulling apart some of the words which are used in the legal arena, for everyone to have a better sense of how our history informs our present and could alter our future.
Since I developed the Consilium Process in an effort to help clients see divorce not only as a rupture but also as a point of growth, I think it makes sense for the first of these etymological blogs to delve into the meaning of that word, and what other language may better serve couples, families, and society-at-large. So, without further ado…
“Divorce” comes from the Latin word “divortium” which means separation.
It is also equivalent to the word “divort” or “divortere”, which I want to focus on now. “Di” means “apart”, and “vertere” means “to turn [in] different ways”. The modern word ‘divert’ (meaning “to turn aside”), and the related one ‘diversion’, come from this same root.
But beyond the etymology, I think it helps us all to ask: what is the intention behind the words, and what weight is carried by the words we choose to use? Which brings me to alternative phrasing I often use in my first consultation with clients, that of “restructured families”.
Over time, I’ve found that clients often hark back to that first conversation when later talking about their evolution through the process, and most always I’ve found that they tell me the word divorce is in and of itself unhelpful to them and that by contrast the word restructuring helps them move forward in a constructive way. This makes sense to me as while ‘divorce’ (from ‘divert’) has a connotation of being pushed off-course, the word ‘restructuring’ comes from the Latin structura, “a fitting together, or adjustment” and ‘re’ means “back again”. To me, this language reflects a more accurate picture for most families, and I hope the work of Consilium helps people restructure their lives, rather than just deal with a painful diversion in their life’s-journey.