“So… you’re getting married….”

Long ago my keen paralegal suggested I host a webinar series by that title, as she’d observed how divorcing people were often shocked to learn about the rights and responsibilities they’d taken on when they said “I do.”

Of course, it’s more hopeful (and a lot more fun) to discuss floral arrangements, table seating, and dance bands when planning a wedding than it is to hash out health care proxies, powers of attorney, wills, trusts and divorce statutes.

As a family law attorney, I think about both the beauty and promise of love in the day, but also the legal agreements that necessarily come along with the vows. As a wedding guest, I try to leave my family law attorney mind at home.  That being said, this summer I attended a wedding where the groom’s parents had recently divorced.

I know how difficult it can be for divorced parents to work as a team at their child’s wedding. But at this wedding, I was profoundly impressed by the groom’s parents’ ability to unite on his behalf.  Knowing the emotional journey the couple had traveled, their behavior that day was a manifestation of their combined abilities to put their son’s feelings ahead of their own. It took wisdom, grace, and enormous fortitude to perform as they did. And it allowed their son and his bride to be celebrated without unwelcome drama.

Just as the bride’s parents spoke and toasted together, the groom’s parents did as well. They were elegant and cohesive in their thoughts and wishes. These parents presented a corollary to  my paralegal’s idea. Their class title would be: “So… you just got divorced, and your child’s getting married….”

Having had a ringside seat to many divorced and divorcing parents’ arguments about their children’s weddings, it was refreshing to be a student in a master class that celebrated great and expansive love with a backdrop of beautiful flowers, and extraordinary music.. By amplifying what I was privileged to bear witness to that night, I hope the ripple effect of one son’s parents’ selfless love can be a model of grace and selfless care that spreads far and wide.